What I’ve Learned in My First Year as a Mother
Tips on Cultivating A Lifelong Healthy Relationship With Food
"Helping your baby develop a healthy lifelong relationship with food may be the most important thing you do for them" - the wise words of our nutritionist
I have a fairly adventuresome palette and I enjoy exploring our world through food. I started off parenting with a single goal around food, which is for my son to enjoy eating meals with me. This includes eating meals together as well as enjoying the same foods as me, so I don’t have to cook twice or order off the “kid’s menu” when we go out. My son is now over a year old and I can’t imagine a child enjoying food more. There is no food he won’t try, and he eats pretty much everything I do with the same undulations we all have (e.g., some days he’s more into sweet potatoes, other days more into apples, and Indian food and avocado are always a hit). I do think my son is predisposed to love food and that I’m very lucky here. However I also think there are things we can do as parents to cultivate a lifelong healthy relationship with food. Here’s a few tips that I learned to pick and choose from once my baby started solids. These may also be interesting to non-parents as many of them are good for adults to consider, too!
Don’t offer anything you wouldn’t eat yourself
I’ve worked in the social impact world for some time and been part of serving meals to people who are struggling many times. One of my rules there is, “Don’t serve anything you wouldn’t be delighted to eat yourself.” I try and use the same rule for my son. I offer real foods with delicious and varied tastes, cooked the way I like it, with minimal modifications like making sure it’s not too hot for him, small enough for him to not choke on, and/or prepared in a way that allows him to self-feed.
If at first you don’t succeed, try try again
Fifteen years ago I wouldn’t touch olives. Now when I pick my pizza toppings I’ll always ask for kalamata. I had to train myself to enjoy the flavor, but man do I love olives now! The same goes for babies.Some nutritionists say that your child should reject a food over 20 times before you know that they actually don’t like it. It’s hard to believe this now, but at first our son didn’t like tomatoes. I made him a tomato puree and he would cry when eating it, and it took a week or two for him to enjoy it. Now he goes gaga for tomatoes and loves to self-feed them, as they are a true favorite and sliced cherry tomatoes are a regular snack for him.
No “clean plate club”- trust your child instead
Babies have the incredible ability to know when they are full. Offer food in line with appropriate intervals, however don’t worry if your child doesn’t eat it. On the flip side, don’t worry if your child keeps eating and eating. There may be a growth spurt going on!I wasn’t great at this one and it really got me one time. My son wasn’t eating much and we kept offering him a range of foods, but he wasn’t taking them. He did want to breastfeed, but that was all, and at this time he was eleven months and solidly on solids. Finally I offered him Indian chickpeas, one of his favorites, and he finally relented and ate it. We paid the price as he was coming down with a stomach flu and let’s just say those chickpeas didn’t last in his stomach long!
No“bad” foods: how to introduce “sweets”
This one is super interesting to me, as it’s not what I expected. One piece of advice I learned is to introduce sweets is not after the meal but as part of the meal. That way your child learns that they are just another type of food and not a “reward” for eating less desirable foods. We aren’t doing many sweets yet but sometimes they are offered in a social situation and we let our son try them out in line with our goal of not denying him food. Here’s an example of how that works. We were at a Mexican restaurant where my son was eating guacamole, rice, beans, and pico de gallo. My friends ordered some flan, which he’d never had. He enjoyed a few bites of it but then went back to eating the guacamole. And yes, he still did eat that guac as he loves it! I loved that he was able to enjoy all of the meal and those great flavors.
Live your values
I’m a vegetarian who tries (often in vain, but perfection isn’t the goal) to eat a mostly plant-based diet. I value supporting social enterprises that pay a living wage, being active in my community, and caring for the environment.All of this plays into my child’s food education. I’ve signed up for a few food delivery services that support the local community and combat food waste. I try and buy organic fair trade foods and I often food swap with other moms who share my values, which makes life easier for us both and is great for building community. I’m raising my son vegetarian and he’s been super healthy. There’s no “have to” when it comes to food as long as your child gets a good range of nutrients and fun flavors.
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of “good enough”
Unless you homeschool your child and don’t engage in any play groups it’s unavoidable to have no processed foods around your child. If you are able to pack something else that your child likes as an alternative here that may work. However you may also need to just chalk it up to being part of life. You can do the best you can do when you are at home and ensure that it’s not goldfish crackers and fruit snacks all the time. The most important thing is to cultivate a healthy relationship with food that is one of pleasure, without shame, and which is a social experience.I’d love to make my child organic, plant-based, home-cooked meals with flavorful spices and lots of nutrients every day. There’s just no way that’s going to happen. I try and make a few meals that way every week, and also have easy snacks like cut fruit, cut veggies, and frozen fritters that I can easily unfreeze. I know of places with great take out foods that work well and sometimes I do just go with store-bought pre-made foods. I try and think of every meal I do make as a gift and let it go if we’re out at a restaurant and my son fills up on the bread basket because it’s easier to self-feed than the other foods. As most things in life are these tips are just guidelines to use as is helpful and not to be adhered to religiously.
About Rebecca Ballard: Rebecca Ballard lives in Washington, DC with her son born in April 2017 and her husband. She is the founder of Maven Women, a socially conscious clothing company that honors people and the planet in every decision they make.This Mother's Day, you can help more moms find freedom from eating disorders through Our Moms, Our Models.