Stories of Healing: Liz
Liz grew up thinking that diets were the norm because everyone is on some sort of diet, right? Everyone thinks meal time is stressful and that their body works against them…right? Turns out, Liz was wrong! After spending decades with this mentality, she realized it was time to break the cycle. There was no way Liz was going to strive for unrealistic ideals of perfectionism any longer - she wanted to be free. At the age of 33, she began her battle to beat her eating disorder and Rock Recovery’s groups helped her cross the finish line to freedom!
Rock program graduate, Liz
Coming from a family of performers, it wasn’t easy being the shy one. Yep, that’s right - I was a super shy kid. I watched and was in awe of my parents and my sister who were natural performers, meanwhile I was doing everything in my power to fade into the background. Fast forward to puberty when God granted me the gift of height and curves, which made it quite difficult not to stand out.
Insert trauma… and then perfectionism to mask the trauma…
There was a weird correlation between wanting to be invisible because of the trauma and wanting to shrink myself to be “perfect.” Ultimately, it was a recipe for disaster because I quickly became comfortable controlling food and exercise. I realized that I was really really good at counting caloric intake and output and it was something I could control. I’ll spare you the gory details but just know that the “lifestyle” I was living was no life at all.
I lived this way for 21 years before seeking help. There were too many moments leading up to seeking help where I felt two things:
I could never beat this thing - it was just too hard to live any differently.
My family would be better off without my negative energy. I felt useless.
As I type this I’m reminded of how truly sick I really was. I had everything and could see none of it.
When I went for my intake appointment with an eating disorder therapist in November of 2018, I was diagnosed on the spot. I remember thinking and even saying, “cool, cool, cool - so can we get this wrapped up by Christmas?” (My therapist and I still laugh about that.) If you can’t tell, I was used to instant gratification. My eating disorder recovery journey was not going to be like that for me. I spent the next 6 months in an Intensive outpatient program and I learned so much! And yet, I still wasn’t free. In fact, I had a very long way to go.
I continued to meet with my therapist and a dietician regularly but I started to feel very alone in my recovery. I missed the group aspect.
New ID, one of the many support groups offered at Rock Recovery, came to me at the perfect time. It felt good to be back with a group of people who understood and went through some of the same things I was. When that group ended, I volunteered to lead a New ID session and that was great! But I still wasn’t done, so I joined Rock’s support group for moms. It wasn’t until we had a session that talked about the devil… I mean, the scale… that I knew I’d be ok without the crutch of my eating disorder. It was a lightbulb moment - one of many I’ve had on my journey.
Following that group, I joined one more group - The Bridge to Life body image group! If you’ve been part of a therapy or a support group, you’ve likely taken several lessons to heart and one of the lessons I learned in Rock Recovery’s groups was that of acceptance. It’s a simple concept but harder to practice. I learned that we need to accept this one body we were given in this life. This glorious, imperfect body. I learned that we need to accept our circumstances and the choices we’ve made - however difficult they may be. Most importantly, I learned to accept the trauma I’ve experienced… and let me tell you something - that wasn’t easy.
I used to be so annoyed by folks who would talk about how they were “free” and all that extra fluff mostly because I never imagined it’d happen for me. But here we are - I’m that annoying person.
Today, I am free. I’m free!!! It’s actually possible and more importantly, it’s worth it!
If you relate to Liz’s story and are looking to begin experiencing the same healing and freedom, we invite you to schedule a free consultation to learn more about our eating disorder therapy services today. You can click here to learn more.