Stories of Healing: Christine
Former Rock Recovery client, Christine talks about how she overcame her struggles and learned to live a life free from disordered eating. Christine speaks to what is unique about Rock Recovery’s approach to healing and how freedom from disordered eating is possible. Through her story, Christine offers hope and advice to individuals who are currently in the throes of their own battle with disordered eating. Click below to hear her full story today.
My battle with an eating disorder started when I was 14, but it wasn’t until 10 years later that I sought treatment. I was in the midst of a relapse that had completely consumed me, working at a stressful job that I hated, and extremely unhappy. In the past, the behaviors associated with my eating disorder had always given me a sense of control, and pride. This time, however, I felt completely out of control, and I knew I needed help. I started seeking treatment and began to see a therapist, but that alone was not enough. I wasn’t “sick enough” for inpatient treatment, and daytime programs weren’t an option because I worked full-time. I truly believed there were no options.
Thankfully, I found out about Rock Recovery and made the call. I was terrified to go, and had no idea what to expect from the group atmosphere, but I was more terrified of what could happen if I didn’t get help. I started attending FIG and Core (now Bridge to Life), where I was introduced to knowledgeable dietitians, skilled therapists, and a caring and compassionate support group.
Every week, I was challenged in new ways, but I always felt like I was in a safe place, a place free of judgment. I learned so much, not just from the volunteers I worked with, but from the other members. I didn’t understand the importance of support before attending Rock Recovery, but I found it invaluable to be able to share about my experiences with others who could relate. I was also connected with a mentor who became a confidante and an integral part of my support system. Through support network night, I was able to invite my parents and involve them in my recovery process as well, which has been more successful than I’d ever imagined.
After eight months with the program, I moved out of the area to return to school. While I was sad to leave Rock Recovery, I credit it so much for my ability to make this move and to embark on the career I’ve dreamed about—becoming a nurse. After years of physical and psychological pain, I want to be one who brings healing and offers hope. I know that is only possible now that I am in recovery.
In Core, we had an opportunity to share our stories, and what it meant to us to be in recovery. I defined it as this:
Recovery is not being ashamed of where I’ve been, or what I’ve done. It’s accepting my whole story, and my whole self. It is now only knowing, but believing that I am loved by God, and that he has forgiven me.
Recovery is forgiving myself, and loving myself. It’s being able to love others, because I am loved first, and it’s being in healthy relationships and community.
Recovery is not being afraid to admit that I have needs, and not being afraid to ask others to fill them. It’s getting help when I need it, and being strong enough to reach out when I want to isolate.
Recovery is not perfection; it’s having grace for myself in the process.
Lastly, recovery is letting God redeem my story and seeing it become part of a greater story.
I am free from the chains of my eating disorder. There are still days that I get stressed, and something is triggered, but I have a support network to reach out to, friends I can call, and healthy ways to manage my stress. I ask for help when I need it, I am learning to let go of my perfectionism, and I know that no number will ever define me. I will always be in recovery, and my eating disorder will always be a part of who I am. But it does not define me. I am first and foremost a child of God, worthy in His eyes, and redeemed for His glory.