To the Mom in Eating Disorder Recovery
Someone with an eating disorder always feels guilt and shame. When I was starving myself, I would have to keep busy; idle time was a recipe for disaster. Maybe I'd give in to the hunger. Every day was the same—always busy, always tiring.
I was always avoiding the guilt, and any pause would be a trigger for my eating disorder to attack: You’re worthless, you’re a waste of space…
Moms can often feel guilt. It’s like once our babies are born—we also birth some guilt with the placenta. You hear about mom guilt, which happens when a mom feels like she is falling short—and not doing a good enough job at this whole parenting thing. Every mom has this whether she is working or at home.
Moms in recovery from eating disorders, well you would guess correctly if you said guilt is a huge problem. Another problem, us moms do absolutely everything.
The mental load of motherhood always seem to be looming over our shoulders. The bottle prep, the dressing, the getting ready, the medicines, the meals--all rely on us. If you are like me, it sits on a big list in your brain that you are constantly adding to at all hours of the night. We are doing this magical work behind the scenes, so the foundation doesn’t topple over.
We are so often doing, thinking, and handling the everything, that we let ourselves become an afterthought.
In all honesty, I struggle with this too. There are days where lunchtime comes and goes. There are days where I have spit up in my hair and smell like the countless diapers I changed and can’t shower until everyone is asleep. Because once we have a child we are moved to last priority---and with each additional child, we get pushed back a little more and more.
But we need to take care of ourselves. This is a hard concept for someone who’s in recovery from an eating disorder because we are usually type A personalities that thrive on achieving and doing. We expect a lot and often too much from ourselves. But, our kids need a healthy mom. We can’t do and be everything if we aren’t well. So, we need to make our mental health a priority and if not for us---for them.
So how do we do this? I do this by working on something I enjoy before I go to bed at night.
Find your passion and make sure you have time to do it. Finding those things that enrich your life will help solidify your eating disorder recovery journey.
These are the things that give you validation outside of your body and your kids. It's interesting, but my body now serves as more of a vehicle to do things. As you become more confident and sure of who you are and what you love to do, your mental health will become stronger.
But, if you feel the pull of darkness getting stronger at any time, you need to do whatever you feel you need to get back to a healthy headspace. You are doing it for your kids because your kids need a healthy mommy-so whatever it is that is going to keep your mind healthy, don’t feel guilty. Remember, you don't have to go through eating disorder recovery alone.
If you need to talk to a therapist, carve out that time.
If you need to talk with your support, go make that call or visit.
If you need to do something simple like meditating or getting your nails done---do that!
A mom’s mental health is everything, especially for her kids who need her the most-- so take some time today to care for yours.
About the Author: Danielle Sherman-Lazar is an eating disorder advocate and a mother to three daughters, Vivienne, Diana, and Julia. She has been published on Scary Mommy, Bluntmoms, The Mighty, Eating Recovery Center, The National Eating Disorders Association, Kidspot, ellenNation Project Heal, Love What Matters, Cafemom.com, Beating Eating Disorders, Her View From Home, Motherly, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Recovery Warriors, Kveller.com, Humorwriters.org, Faithit, and That’s Inappropriate. She has also contributed and has been featured on Today Parents and the Today Show. Follow her on her blog Living a Full Life After ED and follow it on Facebook. Her book Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorders is available on Amazon: