Love and Recovery: Talking About Eating Disorders With Your Partner
Blog Post by Rock Recovery Therapist Natasia James
Navigating recovery from an eating disorder can be challenging, especially when you’re in a romantic relationship. Sharing your experience with your significant other can feel daunting, and maybe even scary, but opening up is often a powerful step toward healing and strengthening your bond. Here’s how to approach this conversation and foster understanding and support.
1. Preparing for the Conversation
Before you share your experience, take some time to reflect on what you’d like your partner to know. Writing down your thoughts or practicing what you’ll say can help you feel more prepared. Consider:
Timing: Choose a moment when you both have privacy, time, and emotional space for a serious conversation.
Tone: Aim to create a calm and supportive environment. Let your partner know that you’re sharing this because you trust and value them.
Goals: Decide what you want to achieve from the conversation. Are you seeking understanding, practical support, or simply a safe space to share?
2. Telling Your Significant Other
Start the conversation by expressing your feelings and needs clearly. You might say something like:
“I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder, and it’s important to me that I share this with you because I care about our relationship.”
“This is a vulnerable topic for me, but I trust you and hope you can support me as I work through this.”
Provide as much or as little detail as you feel comfortable sharing. If your partner asks questions, let them know it’s okay to be curious but that some details might be difficult to discuss.
3. Helping Your Partner Understand
Educating your partner about eating disorders can empower them to support you effectively. Share insights about your experience, such as:
Triggers and Challenges: Explain what situations or comments might be triggering for you.
Recovery Goals: Let them know about the steps you’re taking toward recovery, such as therapy, nutrition counseling, or support groups.
Boundaries: Be clear about behaviors or discussions that might hinder your progress.
Encourage your partner to explore trusted resources like books, articles, or organizations focused on eating disorders.
“What if I suspect my partner is struggling with an eating disorder?”
If you notice signs that your significant other may be struggling with an eating disorder, approaching the topic with care and sensitivity is essential. Here are some steps you can take:
Observe Without Judging: Pay attention to potential signs, such as drastic changes in eating habits, preoccupation with food and/or weight, compulsive behaviors with food, or avoidance of meals.
Choose the Right Moment: Find a private, calm setting where you can have an open conversation without distractions.
Express Concern with Compassion: Use “I” statements to share your observations without blaming or accusing. For example:
“I’ve noticed that you seem stressed around meal times, and I’m worried about you. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
“I care about you and want to support you. Is there something you’re struggling with that I can help with?”
Be Prepared for Resistance: Your partner might deny or minimize their struggles. Stay patient and let them know you’re there whenever they’re ready to talk.
Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest they consider speaking with a therapist or doctor who specializes in eating disorders.
Avoid Pressuring Them: Recovery is a personal journey, and pushing too hard can create resistance. Focus on being a steady source of support.
Navigating Recovery Together
Recovery from an eating disorder affects both partners in a relationship. Through this journey, it is essential that all parties communicate regularly, practice boundary setting, and respect each other’s emotional and physical needs. For example, if certain foods or activities are triggering, find alternatives that work for both of you that still meet nutritional needs. Furthermore, it is important to acknowledge and celebrate small milestones in recovery, and be affirming. Validate and normalize each other’s feelings through the recovery journey: it’s natural for it to come with emotional ups and downs.
Opening up to your significant other about your eating disorder is a courageous act that can deepen trust and connection. On the flip side, supporting your partner who might be struggling with disordered eating is an act of selflessness and love. Whether you’re sharing your journey or supporting a partner through theirs, patience, understanding, and compassion is key. Remember, recovery is a team effort, and seeking help together can strengthen not only your relationship but also your individual well-being.
Natasia James, Rock Recovery Therapist
About the Contributor: Natasia James is a Therapist in the state of Virginia. She received her Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling in 2021 at the University of Kentucky. She has a wide breadth of experience in the mental health field, including experience with both adolescents and adults with eating disorders in the Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient levels of care. Expect Tasi's energy to be upbeat, warm, compassionate, and humorous. Her approach is to create a space for clients to feel comfortable and safe, encourage self-exploration to resolve core issues regarding their disordered eating/negative body image, and help clients to evolve in their authenticity. She is passionate about creating inclusive spaces, and access to high quality of care for underserved communities.