Done With Dieting

Choosing to go on a diet was the most dangerous decision I've made in my life. It felt like my only option when I had gained some weight after quitting ballet towards the end high school. Without the rigorous rehearsals and pressure to fit into a leotard, my eating habits changed and my body quickly showed it. I was very uncomfortable with my new shape and size after striving after a ballet body ideal for so many years so I did what almost anyone would have said I should do, I went on a diet.

It seemed harmless enough, but quickly warped my mind and consumed my thoughts. Suddenly I couldn't just reach for a snack when I was hungry, I had to first calculate my last meal and next meal, and that would dictate if I was "allowed" to quench the feeling of hunger in my stomach. This put me on a dangerous pattern of no longer listening to my body's needs or internal cues, but frantically trying to follow the rigid and senseless rules set up for me. The rules initially helped me feel safe and in control during a time of transition as I was preparing to go off to college, but in reality they put me directly in harm's way.

The positive comments and praise I got about how great I looked connected to my weight loss fueled my resolve to stick to my diet, no matter what. It didn't matter that I was skipping meals out with friends to go home and microwave my "safe" meal, feeling guilty for eating dessert and punishing myself at the gym, or starting to experience stomach pain as I consumed more steamed broccoli and spray "butter" than any human should eat.This pattern lasted all throughout college as I desperately sought to "be good" and stick to my very restrictive diet, all while not understanding why I would fail and be so "bad" around food and eventually binge. Now that I am recovered from dieting and disordered eating, I have a new freedom and safety in a world where I can care for my body, mind and spirit without listening to the world's empty dieting advice.

I am forever #donewithdieting (and for #intuitiveeating!) because we should live a life that is full of freedom and joy, not fear and restriction.

Previous
Previous

I Feel Pretty, But I've Felt Ugly

Next
Next

Resolutions and Reflections