The Three Greatest Lies of Addiction
The lies we believe are often the things that keep us the most stuck in our lives. They develop into unhealthy patterns, relationships, and habits. They can also keep us isolated and ashamed, leading us into the grasp of addiction as we walk out our struggles alone in darkness. There's a reason the saying, “You’re only as sick as your secrets,” is a familiar phrase. I was on the treadmill this morning watching Megyn Kelly, and tears ran down my face as she relayed the details of Demi Lovato’s apparent overdose and relapse. She handled it with grace and care. I was encouraged to hear the major theme of the story was that people are supporting Lovato, and that she has no reason to feel shame.
I have had my own journey to recovery, and Kelly’s compelling insights made me think of the first great lie of addiction we too often believe:
I am alone in my addiction.
Addiction often causes us to believe that we are the only ones who struggle, knitting us deeper into a web of isolation. It can keep us from reaching out to others for help, and make us believe that we are alone in our journey. When I took my first step toward recovery from an eating disorder and joined a support group at church, I was shocked there were others there just like me. Breaking the isolation and feeling understood was crucial to my own healing.
The irony is, while others are battling their own addictions in secret, many of us might fall prey to the second lie:
It can't happen to me.
It is easy to believe that addiction is something far from us, and only affects celebrities. We believe we are safe from its dangers, but our world can crumble when we learn the stark reality: it can indeed happen to anyone, including our children, our parents, our friends, our colleagues, and even to us. Addiction is present in our lives, but because of stigma and shame, we may never know.One of the most shocking connections I learned from sharing my own story of recovery with others were the other people opening up to me about their journey, or their loved one’s struggle with addiction. So many people had their own story. But if I hadn't asked, I never would have known. In my work with Rock Recovery I have walked alongside countless brave individuals fighting for their own freedom. I have sat across from dozens of families who were helpless and lost on how to support their loved ones. Feeling immune left them disoriented when addiction struck, with no idea how to move forward next.
The hopelessness of hearing stories of struggle, and seeing the consequences of addiction, tempts us to believe the third lie:
My struggle will never get better.
One bad day in recovery does not equal failure. Our journey toward health is not suddenly reset because of one misstep. There is still hope and possibility for redemption. Symptom-free days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, and years into decades. As I write this, nearly a decade into my own recovery, I am preparing to fly to Europe for a vacation to celebrate my husband’s long-awaited graduation from seminary. For those with an eating disorder, vacation can be extremely stressful because you can't control when you will eat meals, what your food choices will be, or when you will exercise at the gym. Today, I’m not obsessing about those things, instead dreaming of what sights we will see, what people we will meet, and what delicious food we will eat! I never would have believed it: I am no longer a slave to my thoughts or fears around food and weight.
I now believe the greatest truth of addiction: Recovery IS possible. It can get better, with the right care and support. Freedom is out there, and it is worth fighting for. Keep your hope!