Health & Self Worth is Not Measured in Pounds
I learned early on in my eating disorder recovery that my weight has very little to do with my overall health status. When I was sick with an eating disorder, my body shifted in size, shape, and appearance. The measure of my body weight could never accurately gauge how sick I was, psychologically, behaviorally, or physically. Likewise, my self-worth and progress in recovery could never be measured in pounds.
I find it deeply problematic that our society continues to perpetuate the harmful myth that losing weight promotes optimal health and fitness. That’s why for #WeightStigmaAwarenessWeek2020, we are challenging you to get rid of the scale!
Your Weight ≠ Your Physical Health
Your Weight ≠ Your Mental Health
Your Weight ≠ Your Self-Worth
My battle against weight stigma started back in 2009 when I was refused residential treatment by my insurance company because I was slightly underweight. Instead of looking at all of my symptoms and referring me to appropriate care, I was informed that I needed to lose more weight to meet the full clinical criteria for Anorexia Nervosa (AN) in which case they would authorize a residential treatment stay. This was back in the days of the DSM-IV when people with my symptomatology were routinely diagnosed with Eating Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified (ED-NOS). Unbeknownst to my insurance company, my body had gone through a lot of changes that year due to hormones and medications that affected my weight.
I was at the peak of my struggle in terms of my psychological state and behaviors, and I was pretty sure that I was going to die if I did not get the help I so desperately needed.
I called my insurance company to advocate for myself and the case worker authorized residential treatment so I could be admitted the next day. While I was under the care of the residential facility, I coded as a result of my symptoms and was rushed to the nearby ER. If I wasn’t admitted to the treatment center where I was surrounded by 24/7 nursing care, I would not be alive today. I was lucky but there are so many people like me, who sadly do not get the critical care they need to survive. Increased mortality is an unfortunate reality for people with eating disorders.
Eating disorders are not just a physical illness, they are a mental illness and the number on the scale cannot tell you how someone is doing mentally. When I was deep in my eating disorder and struggling with my mental health, there was no magic number on the scale that solved my problems. I am happier, healthier, and more confident today now that I have found freedom and am no longer burdened by what I put into my body, how much or little I exercise, or the number on the scale. My ideal size is the body that I am in today, the one where I am eating intuitively and exercising mindfully. I accept that my body will change throughout my life and that I may need to size up or size down from time to time. There is no reason for me to weigh myself. Ever.
I haven’t known my weight since I left my last treatment center six years ago and I could honestly care less what that number is because I have found in recovery that my health and self-worth cannot be measured in pounds. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t been to the doctor. I just refuse to get weighed. Did you know that you have the right to refuse to get weighed at the doctor?
When it comes to healthcare, you really have to be your own advocate. Now of course your doctor may want to get your weight to monitor any substantial losses or gains, but you can always opt to be weighed backwards so you don’t see the number. Quick tip: If you are going to do blind weights, make sure to ask the nurse to write down the number in a place that you won’t see. You wouldn’t believe how many times I have asked nurses to not tell me the number, but they write it down right in front of me, which obviously defeats the purpose!
When it comes to your home, there’s no reason to own a scale. Weighing yourself may seem harmless but it can be a slippery slope for those who are predisposed to have an eating disorder. Getting rid of the scale is a great way to begin your recovery journey and begin to discover your true self-worth. You are so much more than a number on the scale.
Jenna Line served on the Rock Recovery team as a Social Work Intern in the fall of 2020. She is passionate about promoting health-at-every-size and helping individuals find freedom from disordered eating, as she herself is fully recovered.
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